Humor | The Port Rail

Browsing All Posts filed under »Humor«

Red Neck Month

March 15, 2021

A few weeks ago, Black History Month (February) ended, and March 1 ushered in Women’s Month. Less you be uninformed, February also celebrated: National Fasting Month, National Enrolled Agents Month, American Heart Month, An Affair to Remember Month, Canned Food Month, and Creative Romance Month. In March we celebrate: National Breast Implant Awareness Month, Asset […]

The Mayor of Rabbit Hash, Kentucky

December 17, 2020

This story was shared with me by a friend of mine, James Wiseman of the Order of St. Benedict, and presently the Abbot of St. Anselm’s Abbey in Washington, D.C. I publish it with his permission, and I translated it from Spanish. The story is used in Spanish-language training. The township of Rabbit Hash, Kentucky […]

The Dog Park

November 16, 2019

There is a marvelous experiment in social science that takes place every day in Tuscaloosa, except for Thursday mornings when the Will May Dog Park in Munny Sokol Park is closed for “maintenance.” The maintenance includes picking up a lot of dog poop, which is the downside of the social science experience I’m talking about. […]

Everything Free, Flatulent Cows, and No More Airplanes

August 17, 2019

I started to make a note of what some politicians are arguing for today and eventually had to run to the Internet to keep track of all the fantastic changes we can look forward to in the next ten years. In the spirit of Lewis Grizzard, I offer the following examination of the truly astounding […]

Announcing My Candidacy for President

May 26, 2019

Announcing My Candidacy for President Never one for letting the trends get too far ahead of me and realizing that at my age I’m just hitting my stride, I am announcing my candidacy for president in the 2020 election. I will run on an old party name from the nineteenth century, the Know Nothing Party. […]

I Miss Lewis Grizzard

September 16, 2018

Of course, I fully understand if anyone reading this column under the age of thirty or forty might exclaim, “who is Lewis Grizzard?” Perhaps this little one liner attributed to Lewis will help the memory: “Shoot low boys, –They’re Ridin’ Shetland Ponies.” Humorists have always inhabited the American landscape. One of my favorites, Will Rogers, […]

Breaking News: Thomas Jefferson Expelled from American History

January 29, 2018

This column is dedicated to the memory and wit of Southern humorist Lewis Grizzard (1946-1994). He died too soon, but could pull your leg as well as any other American of the 20th century. For those of you under fifty, you can look up Grizzard We’ve just seen the newest version of a leading American […]

Apartment Living, Dumpster Diving, and the Heiress

September 14, 2017

After a fire destroyed our home last January, we moved to our RV for a week or so, and then to an apartment. In case you have been a homeowner for long time and forgotten, apartment living is somewhat different. You’re not protected from your neighbors by trees and shrubs and walls, quietly minding your […]

Will the Real Moses Stand Up Please?

November 29, 2016

Those of us with a few years behind us know that Moses was of course Charlton Heston. Spartacus, the Roman slave, was not Russell Crowe but Kirk Douglas. And the movie Exodus starred a youngish guy named Paul Newman, who was Jewish. The girls loved Newman since he was a good-looking dude. The older girls […]

Your Heart’s Desire Fulfilled

March 12, 2016

We need a little break from the primaries. Today we take one of our short tours of my email inbox, which, despite multiple spam blockers and other defenses, continues to defy reality with splendid news. According to a recent email the solution to our loss of memory can be found now on the Internet. A […]